A Learning Mindset

There are so many different types of friendships and my most valued type of friendship is a friend I can go without seeing for years and without texting for months, yet still think of them as the best - a best friend.

A best friend of mine lost a sibling when we were away at school together. I think of him and his brother often, especially every Fall, in the month of October.

I consider myself young for losing a parent. My mom was diagnosed in my twenties and she passed in my early thirties. Experiencing a loss at an early age often means you’re ahead of your peers - ahead in a way you’d never want to lead.

My friend lost his sibling our Sophomore year of college. I think back and feel a sense of guilt because he was going through the most difficult time in a setting where many of us could not relate.

Life is such a learning experience. I’ve learned how I want to approach the milestones of others. And after experiencing some life events like engagement, marriage and becoming a parent, I now make the effort to send that bottle of champagne to a friend to celebrate, I will say “congrats'' to the mom with the newborn that is in front of me at the checkout counter and most importantly, I’ll give sympathy to friends going through loss.

Giving condolences might be one of the hardest of these gestures. It often forces you to be uncomfortable. But another thing I’ve learned is that it is all about the individual and their loss and not about me and my comfort level, at all.

I texted this friend with the news of my mom’s death. He showed up at my mom’s wake, just like I knew he would. It probably had been 7+ years since I’d last seen him. We didn’t even talk much - with just one look I knew that he knew what I felt, because unfortunately he’s felt it as well.

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A learning mindset is a great tool that everyone can use. Let’s celebrate each other, both the big stuff and the hard stuff.