“She’s so cute!”

For me, one of the hardest parts of accepting my mom’s diagnosis was knowing she would not be able to take care of my kids.

For as long as I can remember I’ve dreamt of being a mother. In this dream I was able to balance my career and motherhood with the help of my mom. I’d go to work and my mom would help raise my babies. I didn’t think there was any other way. I didn’t want there to be any other way. I wanted my kids to have all of her.

About three years into my marriage and about four years into my mom’s Mixed-Dementia diagnosis I was still waiting for the “right time” to have a baby. My husband was ready, had been ready in fact. I kept telling myself, “I need an established career, a house.” Yet there I was, a manager, with four years of industry experience under my belt living in a house that I owned.

I sat with my mom & dad in the “Memory Dr. 's” office as I always do, with my typed up notes trying to remain stoic watching my mom struggle with the cognitive assessment. As I saw the doctor write down her score, knowing very well it had declined again, I wiped the tears off of my cheeks hoping my mom wouldn’t see them.

Leaving the appointment, the doctor held me back, she said, “Megan, you’re married, right?” I said, “yes” sniffling my tears away. She then asked “do you have any kids?” in a heartfelt manner. And I said “no”. She looked me in the eye and said “what are you waiting for? If you want kids, do it now. Your mom may not know them but she’ll know they’re yours.”

Today my first born is 2 years old! My mom’s first grandchild. 1 of 3 now who bring her so much joy. My mom can’t say that much anymore, but one phrase she’s held onto tightly is “she’s so cute!” 

Although it may look differently than I had envisioned, the way she loves and cares for these babies has exceeded my wildest dreams.

Chloe Rice, thanks for making Nance a Grandma! Happy Birthday sweet girl! 

-written by my sister, Megan, on her daughter’s 2nd birthday-