“The More I See You”

It’s weird. I met Nancy right before her diagnosis. Teddy would tell me stories about her and I would craft this idea of the woman who chose to raise him. A woman whose lasagna recipe is unrivaled in her family. A woman who is a forever homecoming queen. A woman who is loved by everyone she meets.

The day I met her, I realized she is who I thought she would be: a lovely woman who had nothing but love in her heart. The second time we met, she told me that she loved me. I did not know how to respond at that moment but that interaction stays in my mind, because truly, she meant it. Now knowing her, I honestly do not think there was anything else it could be, because from the moment we met, she welcomed me without hesitation.

As time moves forward, I find myself missing someone whom I have only sort-of met and see the shadow of someone I kind-of knew. Sometimes, you can see glimpses of her and it is usually when music is playing. At our wedding, I chose to play Peter Allen, “The More I See You”, for my husband’s dance with his mother. It was the same song that his father and mother danced to for their first song. I felt it was a cute nod to their relationship and a nice way to say Thank You. I didn’t expect anything from it, in all honesty, I just wanted to honor the woman who raised the man I grew to love.

But it was then that we saw her! She remembered the lyrics. Yes, she had trouble getting the words out, but more importantly, we got to see a glimpse of her again as she sang and danced with her son.

I say this, probably not enough, but that is truly one of the greatest moments of my life. Through music, I was able to pull a glimpse of her out of the diagnosis. For a moment in time, she was everything I knew her to be.

I see the hardship that the diagnosis puts on her daughters. I see the work that they have to do so that she can live a comfortable life, and it astounds me. This woman raised two women who are strong enough to carry the burden that comes with being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Her daughters rose and continue to rise to the occasion without fail and without question. Simply because that is who she raised them to be.

I see the legacy she left in the hearts of her children and the legacy her children hope to impart on their children. A legacy of kindness and servitude to others before oneself. A legacy that I hope someone one day will think about me.

So yes, it’s weird. I miss a woman that I do not know, but I truly wish I did. I see her shadow more often than not and I choose to hold onto the glimpses of her that I see. When she’s singing songs at weddings. When she’s holding her grandchildren. When she smiles after I say ‘I love you’ or ‘good night’. When she clasps my hand as I walk her to the car. Because in her shadow, these glimpses of her bring me joy.

-written by my brother-in-law, Andrew. Happy 1st Anniversary Andrew & Teddy-