You’re Half of Me

Looking back at my past relationships, it’s hard to believe I considered any of them to be heartbreaks. At the time I don’t think I knew what a broken heart was and how much hurt came with it. I have a better understanding now about how much a person can feel and can hurt. I have a better understanding of grief and of mourning what once was. 

My mother was diagnosed with mixed dementia in 2017. It’s a painful diagnosis. Not because of any needles, surgeries or medicine, but because of the unknown of what’s ahead. It’s painful because we will be losing the most special person. I went back and forth for months being sad and angry but those aren’t the right words. The right words are that this is all too heartbreaking. 

A dementia diagnosis is hard. It’s hard being it’s victim and it's even harder on their family. It’s so hard that sometimes I wish my mom wasn't diagnosed with it, and instead, diagnosed with something else - a diagnosis she could fight. With dementia I lose parts of my mom every day. Each day I lose her. I wish she had the chance to fight and even if she lost that fight, I'd have pieces of her, the pieces I loved about her until her last days. 

This idea that I wish my mom could fight is important to me. It is important to me because I know my mom would fight hard. My mom taught my sister and me that women are strong and that we are strong. Since we were little girls, she reminded us of our strength. I can hear her now, “remember, you’re strong - you’re strong because you’re half of me.”